Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland was hands down the most enjoyable film that I have seen all year. Tim Burton's world really pulled me into the story which is something that a lot of movies completely fail to do. I also thought it was a film with more meaning and relevance to our times than say... Avatar. A completely shallow movie that seemed to have inspired endless debate among people. On one level Alice in Wonderland was all about growing up, becoming an adult, and acting like an adult, acting like an adult in the sense that you need to accept reality, whatever reality that is, and then make humane, considerate, and even courageous choices. It's about not accepting predefined limitations put on you by yourself or someone else, but finding those limitations for yourself. It's about the courage to try or believe things that you think are impossible. This is something that so completely resonates with me.

On a political level, I too it as a parody of extreme polarizing viewpoints and a call for rationality which seems an ungodly timely message. I don't think the Red Queen or the White Queen present some ideal of government, although the criticism of the White Queen was considerably more subtle and some may say that I am imagining it. But I would make a case that if you just look at how the White Queen and her castle are portrayed visually, you can tell she isn't supposed to be portraying some ideal. Her kingdom looks as forced and unreal as the Red Queen's. Actually the White Queen seems slightly terrifying almost drained of color except for the dark slash of her lips.

Alice is also a feminist movie in it's own way. This Alice is certainly a girl that I would want to present as role model to my daughter. She questions society, stands up for herself, faces reality, makes hard decisions, treats those around her with dignity and respect, and in the end doesn't just accept perceived limitations.

There were one or two things in the movie that didn't work for me. One CGI character shouldn't have been (the Red Queen's consort). The 3D didn't really seem to add that much to the film. Johnny Depp has turned in one of his best performances in years. The animation and characterization of the other fantastical characters was spot on.

And I loved the Cheshire Cat. Smile!

Saturday Day 70 2010

I started the day with a latte at Starbucks, breakfast with friends at Einsteins, shopped at Trader Joe's, stopped at Lowe's for a padlock and hasp, ran by the gas station to make sure my tires had air, and then headed home. Installed lock on basement/crawlspace door, did most of the laundry, changed the bed linens, and puttered around the house a bit. Watched an episode of Castle and finished an interesting French film Cache. Made an avocado feta spinach salad with poppyseed dressing to go with a couple of turkey burgers wrapped in a flour tortilla shell and topped with cream cheese. I ate too much Greek yogurt and granola for desert.

A little worried tonight about all the things that need doing around the house from the daily chores, to critter proofing, to fixing whatever is going on in the southeast corner with the soffit, and if there is a leak in the roof that is causing the problem or just overflow from the gutter. I'm feeling a bit on edge tonight for whatever reason. Wish I had the house a bit more together and had found some folks to come over and watch 2012 with me.

Time change tonight, have to remember to set my clock forward an hour as I go to bed.

Friday Day 69 2010

One of those very busy days at work when you hit the ground running and sometime later you realize suddenly that your day ended a couple of hours ago and you need to go home. On the plus side, it seemed to be a pretty good day for getting things done.

Thursday Day 70 2010

Thursday, got an early start, stopped at Starbucks. Work was a day of constant frenetic motion. A lot of energy was spent getting a lot of stuff done, just none was able to be spent on some key projects. Did hit Chipotle up with the gang and discovered that a Five Guys burger joint is moving in next door as a viable if extremely unhealthy lunch choice.

Came home, reheated some sketti, and watched the rest of The Jane Austen Book Club, a cute movie, but one that made me feel bad about having never read Jane Austen.

Wednesday Day 69 2010

We are 18 percent done with 2010. I am amazed at the ability of time to move both quickly and slowly at the same time. It seems like there has been an awful lot of this year and it's been taking forever to muddle through stuff, on the other hand, there are things that I have not gotten to yet and it seems like I have barely procrastinated at all.

Having nothing to do with the passage of time, I find it amusing that the cat can jump into my lap as I am sitting at my desk typing. I cannot quite work out the physics of how this works. I suspect that several laws of motion are in fact being broken or that cats discovered how to teleport some time ago. Evidently they can read as well, she just looked at what I was typing, gave me an exasperated look, and jumped down, probably to go report me to some cat authority for giving away their secrets.

Wednesday actually started with a couple of setbacks, out of coffee, missing umbrella, missed buses, but things seemed to turn around once I hit Starbucks on the way to work and achieved Cafe Latte. I pushed myself in a couple of areas and the results were positive. I took something personally and then got over it. I found out something I didn't like and will have the opportunity to fix it. I think I learned a few things. Then I came home, made sketti, ate too much, and went to bed. Not the worst day I ever had.

Tuesday Day 68

So I was almost home, just about a mile from home when some fool side-swiped the bus I was on, not doing anything really other than taking off the driver's mirror. Of course the bus had to be stopped and we had to transfer to the next bus that was running the route. I had left work late anyway, so it was pretty late by the time I got home. Just time enough to make some rice and beans, watch NCIS, and go to sleep.

Not the greatest day ever, but I found things to be grateful for in it. I started the day with a cafe latte, got a lot done at work, saw a couple of pretty girls, got a call from a friend, all good stuff.

Monday Day 67 2010

What's to be said about a Monday? Got up, took the bus and train to work. Thought about stopping at Starbucks on the way, didn't because I thought I would be able to take a lunch break and get some coffee then, but that didn't happen. Left work late and by the time I got home, had some pasta, and watched an episode of House, the day was over.

Sunday Day 66 2010

Sunday was a good day. Started with a stop at Starbucks for the sunrise and continued on with friends, breakfast, and going to see the first show of the day of Shutter Island. I thought the movie was good but very long and  definitely lagged in places. It was almost a relief when it was finally over. Afterwards I went over to a friends to help them with some minor tree trimming which didn't take long at all.

I headed back over to my house full of good intentions, but my cold flared up and when I got home I really didn't feel like doing much of anything. I made some lunch, and watched this week's episode of Grey's Anatomy. I puttered about the house for a bit doing minor miscellaneous stuff, nothing terribly productive or useful. I did follow through on something that I said the other day and sat down and wrote for a bit, just for my own pleasure more than anything.

Eventually I gave up on getting anything of substance done with the rest of the day, my face was throbbing and I felt like I had been ridden hard and put up wet. I put on the sweat pants, heated up a can of black bean soup, fired up the DVD player and watched Law Abiding Citizen which was a much more entertaining movie.

Saturday Day 65 2010

Well my healthy eating resolution lasted as far as breakfast. I ended up meeting 5 friends at the Original Pancake House. I did however eat relatively healthy the rest of the day. I made pretty good use of my Saturday. After breakfast I came home and started organizing. I pulled all the 2009 bills, receipts, and tax forms from my working files and put them in their own box for longer term storage. I sorted through the stuff piled on my desk and managed to process some of it.

I fiddled with Quicken for quite awhile trying to get it to be a little more useful for me. I think I ended up knowing a little bit more about my financial picture. I took some steps in the right direction anyway. I have a lot more that I need to do. The good news is that I am close to having a positive net worth. In the next few months I anticipate being able to move the number from the negative to a positive value. 

I still have a bedroom full of random stuff that does not have a place. I spent sometime going through it finding that there is yet more stuff for the donation pile and the trash pile. I did my laundry, folded it, and stowed it away. I stripped the bed, washed the linens, and remade the bed. I cleaned the kitchen. I watched two cute movies, The Village Barbershop and Waitress. I loved them both. Independent films with plucky heroines that win out in the end are like chicken soup to my soul. The only downside at the moment I don't have a cute and plucky heroine to watch them with.

Friday Day 64 2010 - Part 2

Friday was a actually a pretty good day and it has been awhile since I have been able to use the word "good" in relation to any day of the week between Monday and Friday.  While I made some progress there are still some large piles waiting for me when I get back to work on Monday. I think that big yellow metal Tonka dump truck was one of my favorite toys when I was a wee lad. Now I have nightmares of a full sized dump truck that backs up to my cube at work and covers my desk in several tons of coffee grounds, egg shells, tin cans, and fish-heads..... just after I've finished shoveling the last load out. Of course this is all complete hyperbole. Most days are at least okay and I've had my share of good days, but Friday was particularly rewarding. I helped someone else in a small way, was useful to a number of people, and made at least a little progress on a number of ongoing issues.

Friday Day 64 2010 (make time to write)

How did it get to be Friday? The week has rushed past in a blur which given how much I have enjoyed the week, isn't such a bad thing at all.

I wonder how many people are going to get up this morning and go off to work wondering what they would really like to be doing for a living. I have always envied those folks that seemed to know from 5th grade what direction they wanted to go with their lives. I remember being asked that question in 5th grade and being completely unable to choose, there were things about all the classic professions, policemen, fireman, astronaut, doctors, lawyers, writers, and teachers that I thought was pretty cool.

The only occupation that I ever really felt drawn to was that of writer, but I have never had much luck trying my hand at fiction and I don't know how much of that desire was a fantasy of the lifestyle of a writer and how much is actually a love of writing, since as I say, I don't sit down and actually write fiction very often. There is something however that I dearly love about sitting at a keyboard and writing. I love it when my fingers dance across the keyboard and words come out, it feels like magic. If I think back about the things in my life that I am proud of a funny thing comes up. That 25 page term paper I wrote on the use of trains in early 19th century novels. That was a bear of a paper and I hit a home run on that one. So if I had a dream job, I think it would involve writing.

I think part of my problem with trying to write fiction has always been this awful self-criticism that I have always felt when I have tried to write. Everything comes out sounding horrible to me and I frequently stop before I get very far. It's only been relatively recently that I have realized that some of that, perhaps even a lot of that, might not be real or fair criticism. Since coming to that realization and starting to build a little basic self-confidence, I have not really had the opportunity to go back and apply that to writing. It seems like life has been moving a thousand miles an hour for awhile now.

It's only been lately that I have started to realize that waiting for life to smooth out or for there to be more time is a fool's game. Life is an endless banquet which presents an endless number of choices most of which are coming at us simultaneously. Life's choices are not this nice series of linear decisions my brain would prefer. It's more like making a bunch of decisions rapidly and at the same time. It's setting priorities, trying to live by some basic principles, and hoping for the best.

So what do I need to take from all this early morning rumination which probably does not make the least bit of sense to anyone? Probably that I need to set aside some time to write. It' doesn't have to be much, but if there is even a small piece of the dream that I had as a little kid of being a writer then just maybe I should honor that by finding a couple of hours to see if there is anything there. What's the worst than can happen? That I'll end up with a terrible unfinished novel in the back of the file cabinet? That's not such a  bad thing.

Thursday - Day 63 2010

Thursday morning. Didn't sleep particularly well last night, my mind was busy worrying about various things, including coming home and finding the back gate and the door to the basement/crawlspace partially open. I looked around but didn't find anything disturbed. A friend on Facebook described it as the activity of "neighborhood elves." It reminds me that I need to fix up the crawlspace door and get a lock on it, fix the gate and perhaps put a lock on it as well. In fact the entire fence around the back yard needs fixing up.

There is nothing wrong that an infinite amount of time and money will not cure.

Moments

I need to get better at hitting pause and enjoying the moment. Particularly when things are stressful. What better way to start than actually stopping for a second to drink my latte @ Starbucks instead of drinking it while walking to work. It's only a few minutes out of the day and maybe it will set the right note for the day.

Sent from my iPhone

Day 60 2010

It was an interesting Monday. It was a bit of a struggle to stay focused and positive, but in the end it worked out.

I stuck to just my morning cups of coffee at home and didn't have any caffeine for the rest of the day. I've had a bad habit lately of supplementing that coffee with even more later on in the day. Evidently it has been a habit because around four in the afternoon yesterday I got really tired, at first I couldn't figure it out, then I made the caffeine connection. It's time to be a little more conscious of my spending. I made a good start yesterday. I was running a couple of tax related errands and was trying to choose between having coffee at Starbucks or getting a real lunch at Chipotle. I was going for the coffee until I asked myself which would be taking better care of myself? Given that I had already skipped breakfast, I thought Chipotle was the next right thing to do. Of course as I ate my burrito I tried to rationalized that I could afford the Starbucks too. Somehow I managed not to pull the wool over my own eyes, and ran to the post office instead.

It's a good thing I didn't waste time going to Starbucks, the post office turned out to be jammed with people and there was just one person working the counter. I think I waited in line for a good 30 to 40 minutes to get my taxes mailed. But my they are done and safely mailed off.

I watched my My Sassy Girl girl last night, the American remake of a hit Korean film. I watched it, enjoyed it, but wouldn't really recommend it.

Day 59 2010

Rabbit, rabbit

Yesterday was a weird day. Didn't do anything that I had planned which just proves that sometimes the universe has better plans. Spent the day at a friends house eating too much and hanging out with their family and friends. Watched Canada beat the USA in the gold medal game in hockey. The last hockey game I actually watched was when the US beat Russia in Lake Placid. Was that really 30 years ago? I left the house first thing in the morning and didn't return until after 8pm. Good thing I was at least a little productive on Saturday.

Day 58 2010

Saturday kicked ass. Sumatra at home, Vanilla Latte at Starbucks, breakfast with friends at West Egg. I came  home, put on some music, cleaned for a bit, paid bills, did my taxes, and then went over to a friend's for dinner with her, her family, and friends. I really, really, enjoyed the entire day.

Sometimes I get this glimpse of what I want my life to be like and I imagine it's like the clouds breaking for a mariner of old who has sailed for weeks with no star to get a bearing on. It's like suddenly having a sense of direction.

Day 57 2010

Friday was an up and down day. Cannot really comment on it, it's a small Internet. I was extremely happy that the weekend showed up at the end of it. I came home and watched a silly movie, It's a Boy Girl Thing. Thank goodness for silly movies.

Day 56 2010

Every now and then the fear, second guessing, and over intellectualizing dies away and it's like dropping the hammer on the biggest, baddest, most tricked out muscle car you've ever seen. That was my Thursday. Needless to say, it was a very good day.

Day 55 2010

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. - Dune, Frank Herbert

I think fear and perhaps even fear of fear is a major part of the problem. Having realized that I am thinking about what I need to do to get into solution mode and stay there.

Day 54 2010

Yesterday was Monday and I had a bad case of the Monday dreads, but managed to keep it under control, get into work, get focused, and get busy. I came home and as I ate a bowl of chili, I watched an interesting animated film, Persepolis, about a girl coming of age in Iran during the Islamic Revolution. I thought it was a very good example of how to use animation and drawing to effectively tell a story. I went to be early and managed to get up on time. I don't know if I am going to manage to make breakfast before having to jump in the shower and catch the bus.

Day 53 2010

Sunday started with Starbucks and the usual suspects, and stopped at Trader Joe's to pick up somethings I had forgotten the day before. I made blueberry pancakes for breakfast with fresh blueberries. I love my blueberry.

I went with some friends to Grady Hospital to visit a friend who has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We visited for almost an hour. I was grateful that I was able to go and support him in some small way. It brought up a lot of stuff for me from my own history with cancer, to my ability to be a good friend to others, and to how I want others to be a part of my life, even if I feel that I am not really very good at it yet.

Yesterday afternoon mom inspired me to see if cleaning a window would make the house cleaner. I got the window clean, but also ended up talking to my neighbor Mike for about an hour. When I was done, I discovered that mom was right, having that window clean and smudge free did indeed make the entire house look better.

I finished the evening by watching State of Play. It was a good movie even though I had this strange feeling that I had seen it before, even though I hadn't.

Lots of changes at work this week. This morning it seems almost ominous that it is starting with a four in the morning thunderstorm complete with thunder and lightning. I have five new people on my team this week and it's going to be a challenge.

Day 52 2010

Saturday Morning was coffee, friends, breakfast, Trader Joe's, and then home to start whittling away at all the stuff that needs doing around the house. I've been leaving the house well before dawn, returning after dusk, and it's been pretty cloudy and overcast. Yesterday was the first really sunny warm day that we have had in ages and it really underlined how much cleaning I needed to do around the house. I saw the house in the sunlight for the first time in ages and said, "holly cow I need to clean!" Just vacuuming the house seemed to take forever and a day, but I got it done. I stripped the bed, ran the linens through the wash, and remade the beds. I did a load of darks, a load of whites, and all the laundry folded and put away. I scrubbed the bathroom sink, toilet, and floor. I fixed one of my speakers. I figured out how to take it apart, found the wire that had come loose, and reconnected it. I have treble coming from the right speaker again! It makes the television and the radio sound so much better. I made chili for lunch, and rice and beans for dinner. I did the dishes. I checked the traps in the attic for small furry unwelcome guests, none! I changed the litter box for the cat. I did some misc cleaning, sorting, and thinking about what do I need to do with this and that.

Somewhere in there, I did find time to catch up on Grey's Anatomy which made me tear up as always. It was fascinating watching characters you love at much earlier points in their lives. I don't think that Grey's has ever used flashback extensively before and while I enjoyed the episode it made me realize that I am glad it's not a show that relies heavily on flashback. It would take away from the immediacy of the show. I watched Grey's sister show, Private Practice, and then an episode of the Deep End which I am largely watching because I find Tina Majorino so adorable (and have ever since Veronica Mars).

Not a bad day, it even seemed to have a bit of balance to it, scary thought. Only thing I could have done batter was I was helping someone jump a car and someone else, who owned the jumper cables and the car doing the jumping, was insisting that I do it the "right" way which was actually wrong and I knew it and didn't stick up for myself. You connect the red (positive) on the car to be jumped, the red on the car that is doing the jumping, the black (positive) on the car doing the jumping, and then the red to any bare metal on the car being jumped except the battery. The reason being is that batteries can let off hydrogen gas and when you make the final connection that's when you are potentially going to get sparks. You don't want those sparks to ignite the battery. (confirmation)

Day 51 2010

I am having a bit of trouble with what tense to be writing in on this blog. Usually I get up in the morning and write about the events of the day before. So when I say Day 51 is it the day I am writing about, or is it the day that I am writing? Do I worry too much about these questions? Probably. There is a time stamp so anyone can pretty easily figure out that I am writing about the day before. But anyway, I thought this morning, the 51st day of the year that I would try writing about what is happening now, right here, as I write. That the title of the post now refers to when I sat down to write, and less about what happened on a given day. Trying to write about yesterday as if I was wrapping up my thoughts at the end of the day was giving me a headache.

So I cannot call Friday just another day in the office. Things continue to be stressful. I finished my first full week of being out of an office and back on the call center floor. There are positives and negatives on being on the floor and back in cube-ville. I am suddenly much more plugged in to what is going on with this particular client and with the agents in our technical support center, but more removed from bigger picture stuff which takes place in those (for me: ivory tower?) offices. I have friends that are telling me that if I want to get ahead I need to pay more attention to the bigger picture stuff going on inside those offices, but there is an instinct in me that says if I focus on doing a good job at whatever level, the big picture will take care of itself. And my experience thus far has shown this to be true.

Yesterday I took Marta but stopped at the Lindberg Starbucks to have coffee, talk with a friend or two, and completely change my attitude towards the day. Refreshed by a latte I continued on to work and had a fairly productive day. Meant to leave early, but ended up only leaving about fifteen minutes before my usual time. When I got home I finished off the leftover sketi, curled up on the couch and watched Pandorum, not the most relaxing movie to watch by yourself in a cold dark house on a Friday evening. Although curling up under some blankets on the couch with a cat curled up next to me sort of took the edge off. It was okay, there was a lot in the film that perked my interest. It didn't quite deliver on all the potential of the plot and I felt there was some inconsistency and murkiness in the story telling towards the end.

This morning I am trying to decide what to do with the weekend which even at six am on a Saturday feels like it is slipping away all too quickly. I was able to set at my computer and finish my two cups of Sumatra this morning for the first time since last weekend, what a decadent luxury.

Day 50 2010

It was a Friday

Day 49 2010

On a whim took the train an extra stop to the Sandy Springs Station just to see what it was like to walk to work from that station. It's a bit further, but has the advantage of a putting a Starbucks directly in line between the station and the office. Previously if I was going to divert to Starbucks it would require a lengthy detour.

Rie Rasmussen

I came home feeling a little down. Make some sketti, probably ate too much of it. Watched a Luc Besson film called Angel-A which is a re-imagination of the classic It's a Wonderful Life. The man pushed to his limits, down on himself, and thinking of ending it all is André, played by Jamel Debbouze, and the angel in this case, is played by Rie Rasmussen, a tall, leggy, blond super model.

The angel in this case is not your typical angel. She lights one cigarette after another because as she explains, where she's from, you cannot even sneak one. And that is only the begininig. Ms. Rasmussen a delight to watch on screen both fun and beautiful.

Visually the movie, shot on location in Paris, is pure black and white eye candy of the first order.

Thematically part of what angel-a tries to get the lead character to see in himself, parallels thoughts and feelings I have been having lately. Issues of self-esteem and fear of being oneself. I am still noodling over some of the stuff it stirred up.

Day 48 2010

Drove to work. Worked hard on a lot of stuff and didn't finish any of it. Worked late meeting with client. Got home, made dinner, watched part of a movie, fell asleep. Not the world's most interesting day. Had to top off groceries with a trip to Trader Joe's on the way home. Lot's of things I want to do right now, not getting to much of it.

Day 47 2010

Not a bad day as days tend to go. I did buy myself a Starbucks (coffee not Latte) on the way to work. Had to put in a good long walk to get it, but didn't eat out or spend any other money.

After work I went to visit a friend who organized a Mardi Gras fundraiser for the Georgia Parent Support Network being held in one of the ballrooms at the Fox Theater.

Got home pretty late, had a snack, then stumbled off to bed.

Day 46 2010

Monday: Made breakfast, made lunch, took MARTA, made relatively healthy dinner, had a fairly productive day at work, and didn't spend any money. Think I can put that one into the win column.

The cold seems much better, maybe just a trace of it hanging on, but I was dead tired when the bus dropped me off down the street from my house. I didn't get much done after fixing some dinner. I forced myself to watch the end of movie from Netflix that turned out to be a pretty pointless film. I had already invested an hour in watching it when I realized I really wanted to turn it off, but I kept on hoping it would get better, but it never did.

Day 45 2010

Sunday started in the usual manner. Coffee with friends, then going by Trader Joe's to do the rest of the grocery shopping for the week. When I got home I really wanted breakfast to make itself. After awhile it became apparent that was not going to happen no matter how hard I wished it would, so got off my duff and fixed myself some breakfast.

Called Mom and decided to go to a movie, Crazy Heart, with her. The first theater was sold out before we got there so we just got back in the car and drove over to another  and got in just fine. I wasn't all that impressed with the film. It didn't strike a chord with me and I thought there were a number of elements that almost worked. I was not that impressed with the Oscar nominated performance of Jeff Bridges. I was slightly more impressed with the Oscar nominated performance of Maggie Gyllenhaal, but that could have been heavily influenced by the fact I think she is lovely and adorable.

After the movie I stayed for dinner.... salmon, you kidding, of course I stayed for dinner and got to spend some time with Dad as well. 

transformation

Transformation, bridging that gap between who we are and who we want to be sometimes seems so overwhelming. I tend to forget that most of the time it starts with small things and that practicing on the small things is what allows you to do something differently when the bigger life altering moments come along. There is a  part of me that wants to make sweeping changes, preferably without a lot of effort. To just go from being one way to being another. Sadly I don't think that is the way the universe works.

It is probably a good thing that wishing does not make something so. You never really know much about a destination until you make the journey to get there. And in making that journey you might find that your original destination wasn't somewhere you really wanted to go at all, that life had something better to offer along the way that you never would have seen if you had been instantly and magically transported to your destination. You found something better along the way because you had been making those frustratingly small baby steps up the path, one after another, after another, after another.

Day 44 2010

This was the view off of the front stoop this morning. For a change I stayed in on a Saturday morning. I slept in too, if sleeping to five am can be called sleeping in. I spent most of the morning either working or worrying about work. Finally about noon I realized that I needed some type of distraction and watched this weeks Grey's Anatomy.

One of the themes, and one of the reasons I love Grey's Anatomy is the fact that there is almost always a theme, was change, adaption, reinvention, and transformation. There is scene where Lexi has transformed her appearance by going blonde and another character challenges on her on the superficial nature of the change: My point is you can't just change your hair. Yeah you want to be unforgettable? You want to not be mousy? You can't just change your hair, you have to actually change.

thinking

"not mousy" reinvention change adapt finding a way moving forward

Day 43 2010

Friday was a good day. I had some successes at work during the week and left the office a little early on Friday to beat the snow. I am loving my iPhone although the battery life could be longer.

I am utterly and completely exhausted at the moment, a combination of a nagging cold, a hard week at work, and not getting enough sleep last night. It's not even 8pm and my eyelids are feeling heavy and it's hard to come up with things to say about the day. Sipping a large mug of herbal tea probably isn't helping matters.

The snow is lovely, particularly from inside my cozy little house. Particularly on a Friday evening with the weekend stretching out ahead. I had an idea for a film script at lunch today. Maybe I will stay in tomorrow and do things like putter around the house, surf the inter-webs, and try my hand at a screenplay.

Day 42 2010

I am very quickly getting used to having an iPhone. It's a nice little piece of technology.

For awhile however, I thought something was dreadfully wrong with it. I tried everything I could to get it to connect to a wireless router in the office but could not get out to the internet. I went online and read all these horror stories in forums about bad wi-fi in iPhones. After stewing over this for about an hour I realized that the router was turned on, but was not plugged into the network. Once I plugged the router into the network, my wi-fi speed improved significantly

I came home and made some awesome sketti and later a friend came over to talk. I think I was able to be useful and that was a good feeling, a very good feeling. I got to bed late after watching about ten minutes of The Mentalist and deciding that it would make more sense to try to catch it later, maybe even online.

Quote

If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living.
--Seneca

Day 41 2010

It's a cold morning and my head is aching from this cold that refuses to let go. I woke up, made coffee, and wandered into the office to putter online for a bit before getting ready for the day. At one point I looked at the time and realized that I had never made to my second cup of coffee, never made it to breakfast, and if I didn't get myself in gear, wasn't going to make my bus. I made it to work, but definitely don't have that bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, ready to take on the world feeling. I feel in need of a few quiet unremarkable days off.

I was looking forward to my iPhone arriving on Thursday, so I was delighted when I found it was out for delivery on Wednesday, the excitement ramped up when I found it had been delivered. I kept telling myself to focus on work despite my urge to dash home to claim it off the porch and play with it. But I waited until the end of the day, took the bus home, and found the package from AT&T sitting on my doorstep. I started up iTunes, plugged in the iPhone, ran through the setup, and made my first phone call to mom. Then came figuring out what to do with all my contacts. I synced with my Google Contacts which probably makes sense, but it resulted in a lot of junk in my address book. Then there was the matter of all the contacts in my old phone, I sat pretending to watch Criminal Minds, but mostly what I did was manually transfer contacts from my old phone to the new one.

There is definitely a learning curve to it.

Day 40 2010

Tuesday, better than Monday. Long day, my MARTA train had trouble on the way in the morning and on the way home I was on one that died completely, we had to disembark and wait for the next train. Got home late and made a spinach salad of awesomeness. Tried watching NCIS, but got snuggled up and warm on the couch and promptly fell asleep. I still have a cold and am tired of not having any damn energy for anything. I could really use a break.

As I was laying on the couch Monday night, I had at some point opened my flip phone and set it on my chest. Unfortunately I later stood up sending the flip phone tumbling to the floor in the open position. My poor cellphone is the original one I got when I signed up for wireless service and it's survived many, many, accidental tumbles. All those times it was closed. It did not survive the fall in the open position. The hinge shattered and now the only thing holding the phone together is the data cable going to the display screen.

The upshot of this is that I had to buy a new phone and I finally caved in and got the iPhone I've wanted since the day the original iPhone came out. It's supposed to be delivered on Thursday.

Day 39 2010

Monday, a bad case of the dreads turned out to be all sound and fury over nothing. This was good. Tired when I got home. Had some leftover chili, watched House, fell asleep. I drove in Monday which means I face the rest of the week on MARTA. There is a rumor MARTA is changing it's fare or even fare structure which I'd find to be... very unfortunate.

Cooper in the Afternoon Light

For me there is something so Zen-like and peaceful about this picture. Something in it makes me think of an Edward Hooper painting.

Day 38 2010

Sunday I met friends for coffee, came home, and got busy around the house. I made breakfast, then cleaned and mopped the kitchen. I striped both beds, washed, dried, and the linens, and remade the beds. I did a couple of loads of laundry and then folded that and the backlogged of laundry and put all of it away. I cleaned the bathroom toilet, sink, and floor, then vacuumed the rest of the house. I was feeling quite stressed and keeping busy seemed to help.

Around 4pm I went to pick up a friend to go to a Super Bowl party, we ran by Wolf Camera so she could pick up some photos and and stopped by Kroger to pick up some ice for the party.

I ended up watching the game on this brand new 50 inch plasma television. All I can say is wow. If I didn't have other priorities in life I would run out and buy one. It's as big a step up from my 21 inch conventional tube television as my television is from radio. But I don't even have cable at the moment!

It was a good game, hotly contested right up until New Orleans made a key interception late in the second half. Although the real turning point of the game was when New Orleans opened the second half with a dramatic surprise onside kick.

Moments Missed

Taken 2/2/2010. It's a Tuesday and I am walking from the train station to work. It's been raining and is a nippy 40 degrees. On this particularly morning I'm making a diversion down a different street to Starbucks to treat myself. Starbucks. Starbucks is a bit a walk from the office, I would say at least a mile. This is probably a good thing. It means that if I go to Starbucks I am going to be getting my exercise and it means that the degree of difficultly in getting Starbucks helps me stick to my budget, which  does not include much Starbucks. I have about a latte a week budgeted for Starbucks.

In this photo, I love the rain and the way the lights reflect off of every surface. I love walking the streets all bundled up in cold weather. I don't like how I let myself get preoccupied with negative thoughts and emotions which diminishes my enjoyment and I miss moments in time that would otherwise make me profoundly happy.

Day 37 2010

I made it to the weekend. I wish it has been with a great sigh of relief, but it's not that easy to leave the stress of the week behind me. It took most of the day to get myself down off the ledge that I'd climbed on, but eventually I managed to do it.

I started the day with Starbucks and met up for breakfast with friends at West Egg. While waiting to be seated we took a photo in the photo booth in the waiting area. (That is me in the back.) Breakfast was nice, afterwards I headed over to Ikea, not really to buy anything, most just to wander aimlessly, think of how I might want to decorate at some point, and to people watch. I did end up buying a vase, an artificial flower, and a night-light for a grand total was $6.

Post-Ikea I came home, looked up mom's directions for making spinach dip, and for good measure made a grocery list for the week. Then I hit up Trader Joe's and Publix both of which were mad houses on the day before the Super Bowl. It took a couple of hours, but eventually I was home with a full week's worth of groceries.

When I got home, I made the spinach dip for the party I am going to Sunday. I cooked chili and brown rice for dinner. I curled up as best I could in my office chair with my chili and watched Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice on the computer. For some reason I don't get the local ABC affiliate even though I am right smack in the middle of the city, so there are some shows I can only watch on the computer.

Day 36 2010

Friday. Bad day, bit of a blur really. Got a little teary at times.

I finished the day watching Cold Souls which I really, really liked and thought was a strong interesting movie right up to the end, then I thought it sort of fizzled a bit. There was nothing wrong with the story, no plot developments to anger me, it was the way a clear crisp story suddenly jumped out of focus right at the end. The premise, that you can have your soul removed and stored if it is causing you too much inconvenience or discomfort, as it does for Paul as he struggles with emotions brought on by his role in Uncle Vanya.

It's funny, I used to wonder why anyone would watch a movie with Paul Giamatti, but he is growing on me. I like his energy and I really like the performance he turned in for this movie.

Day 35 2010

Not much to be said for this particular Thursday, I took the bus, took the train, ate lunch at chick-fil-a, survived another day in the trenches. My cold took a turn for the worse, when I got home I made some dinner, plopped in front of the TV and went to bed early.

Day 34 2010

TREAT DAY! I drove to work which allowed for coffee with friends. It really got the day started on the right note. I ran into traffic on the way to work and was later than I planned which I made up on the back end of the day. Didn't have time for much when I got home but to make a bagel burger, some white cheddar pasta shells, and to watch some of a movie (Love Happens) and most of Criminal Minds. I ran out of gas before Criminal Minds was over and went to bed. I am kicking myself because I would have loved to have seen the end.

Day 33 2010

It occurs to me that I'm much more comfortable in my house for which I am extremely grateful. When I first moved in and tried to sleep it seemed like every little noise would startle me, even if I was asleep. It felt like I was hearing every little noise in the house or even in the neighborhood. At times I wondered if I had made this horrible mistake buying a house that I would never be able to get comfortable in or be able to get a good night's sleep in. Now my house has turned into this safe comfortable place. I love being home.

The thirty third day of the year was fairly routine. I took MARTA to work, spent the majority of the day attending a virtual class, and got some work done in the afternoon. I have so much to do at work at the moment it's a bit overwhelming. I was down a bit when I got home, but some friends help me hit the reset button. One person in particular said something that turned my evening around. It's odd how we will get this idea in our heads of how we are that can be so completely wrong. I finished the last of the leftovers from dinner at mom's on Sunday. Mom had sent me home with left over mashed potatoes and eye of round...yum. I watched NCIS, managed to stay awake through the entire thing, and slept the sleep of the if not the righteous then just really tired.

Day 32 2010

It's Monday and the work week has begun. So how many hours is it till the weekend starts? It's been awhile since I have started a Monday thinking that way. It's not particularly useful. I need to get focused on today and what I can get accomplished today. If I take care of today, the weekend will get here before I know it.

It's tough to write a blog. I used to write just any old thing and thank goodness there don't seem to be any public copies of that stuff floating around. It was so dark, depressed, and crying for help. I am very aware now when I write of public/private boundaries and the fact that anything I say on a blog basically goes on the public record. It makes me think things through a little more.

Monday was a long day. Successes included: breakfast, MARTA, Chiptole, dinner and surviving another day in the office. After dinner I watched House and went to bed.

An entire month of posts

Really, an entire month? I might not have had much to say, but at least I said it everyday. Breaking out the Blogger sweatshirt to celebrate. Cheers!

Day 31 2010

Blogging 31 days in a row? That might be a record of sorts. I might have to breakout my blogger sweatshirt in celebration.

I was up early this morning and finished watching Densha Otoko (Train Man), a Japanese romantic comedy. It was a pleasant film about a hopeless nerd who has a chance encounter with a beautiful young lady on a train and then needs the help of strangers on the Internet to help woo her.

I got a huge gas bill the other day due to sub-freezing temperatures, a poorly insulated house, and turning the thermostat up for a guest. Since then I turned the thermostat to it's lowest possible setting and every now and then go by and tap the lever to see if I can nudge it a little more to the left. As a result, the house can be quite nippy at times. But I have discovered the secret. Layers, lots and lots of layers. If you have enough layers, you are can be quite comfortable even in the coolest house. The long underwear is in the wash at the moment, but normally that would be the base layer. Instead I just have a white T-shirt followed by a long sleeve cotton shirt, a grey ringer shirt, a long sleeve cotton sweater, a fleece vest, and a cotton sweatshirt. A knit cap keeps the head and ears warm. About the only part of me that is cold at the moment is my fingers.

Around 2pm I spent over an hour cleaning the bathroom this afternoon. I went in to give it a touch up and then realized that far more than a just a touch up was in order. I am embarrassed to say I don't think I had given it a deep cleaning since moving in. Well, it's been deep cleaned now. It smells clean and fresh in there. Pretty much every surface, every little nook, cranny, wall tile, and floor tile is clean enough to eat off of.

Around 4pm I headed over to my parents for dinner. Mom's are the best. I was fed much better than necessary and treated like a prince. (Mashed potatoes, eye of round roast, a nice salad, coffee, cake, and ice cream)

Finally home and have fed the cat. Now catching up on my social networks and trying to decide what form of entertainment I want to fall asleep to tonight.

Day 30 2010

Saturday. A friend bought me breakfast at Ikea and then we went shopping. I made it out of with just a couple of night-lights and spending less than $10. Which is good because I had my eye on some blinds, under-cabinet lighting, sheets, bookcases, and kitchen accessories. Was a nice way to spend the morning. On the way home I stopped at Publix and bought some groceries to get started on the weekend and possibly the week. I spent the day doing laundry, puttering around the house, and watching an episode of House and an episode of The Deep End.

The adventure for the day was when I realized that the vent duct for the dryer had come loose and the hot moist air was just spilling into my dinning room. The first clue was all the condensation on my dinning room windows. The tricky part was I cannot actually see the back of my stacked washer/dryer unit. It's a single unit and slides back into a dedicated closet. So I got out my digital camera and reached around trying to get a clear image of what was going on back there. Sure enough the vent duct had indeed come off. I pulled the washer/dryer out as much as I could with the power and water lines still attached, got down on the floor, and wiggled my way behind it. It turns out that the installers hadn't actually secured the duct to the washer/dryer with anything so it was hardly surprising that it had fallen down. With no real way to secure it, I got down on the floor and wiggled my way back out of the closet. I rummaged through the kitchen benches and found of all things a  replacement flexible dryer vent duct of the needed length. I have no idea when I got this duct, how long I have had it, what it was doing in my bench, or why if I have had it unused for years, I had not given it to goodwill or something. Regardless it was just what was needed. I wiggle back into the closet again, replaced the existing duct, wiggled back out again, and presto... I had a properly ducted washer/dryer.

view from the bus stop going to work Friday morning

Day 29 2010

I've had a cold since late Sunday night, today is the first day I could wake up and really say, I am feeling a lot better. Something is wrong in the universe, you never get over a cold right before the weekend! Another small kindness the universe gave me today was randomly bumping into someone from work at McDonald's and having them spontaneously pay for my breakfast. Don't know why, but it started the day on a nice note.

Went with Donald at lunch to run diapers to his son's daycare. Almost didn't make it back to the office in time for a pretty heavy one pm meeting. Immediately after the meeting I had a class to do so the afternoon flew by. I was a little late getting home, where I had some dinner, left over spaghetti, watched some Mad Men, and what else is new, fell asleep on the couch.

Day 28 2010

Successes:

• Took MARTA again.
• Finally made some progress on a work project.
• Ate an awesomely healthy baby spinach avocado feta cheese black olive chicken breast salad for dinner.

Watched an episode of Mad Men on DVD from Netflix. Watched most of Bones, but feel asleep during the last ten minutes. I know this because at the last commercial break I looked at my watch, saw it was ten till nine and thought, hey, I am going to make it to the end of the show without falling asleep tonight! Famous last words. Next thing I know I am trying to figure out why the characters from Fringe have invaded the final few minutes of Bones.

Day 27 2010

I drove into work today to have coffee and to give myself a mid-week break on public transit. I actually might be feeling a little bit better cold-wise. I am more congested, but feel less muddleheaded. Donald and I walked over to Schlotzsky's for lunch. I haven't eaten there for awhile. I did eat a little healthier dinner than normal, cooking myself a hot breakfast of scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes. I watched an episode of Serenity I hadn't seen before, the latest episode of Castle, and went to bed early.

Day 26 2010

I did buy a monthly transit pass yesterday good for 30 days, dropping $60 at sort of commits me to the entire MARTA experiment for at least a month. It should also drive up my savings if I take it faithfully. $28 savings over the daily rate if I take it every day. $12 if I cheat and drive once a week.

I hate the muddle headed feeling that I get when I have a head cold. It almost feels like I cannot think straight. I came home after work, made some dinner, laid on the couch and watched the end of The Tournament. I watched the first half of NCIS then suddenly I was watching the first few minutes of NCIS LA. Fell asleep watching TV again. Must have needed the rest.                

Day 25 2010

I began the day after a really good night's sleep, with a cold. No, no, no! I don't have the time and energy to be sick! My first stop was the kitchen for some Emergen-C and Alka-Seltzer Cold. Next stop Starbucks Italian Roast and a Kashi rollup for breakfast that I quickly regretted. Starting Monday a little under the weather isn't helping my enthusiasm for the beginning of the work week.

The cold really hasn't been getting better as I have gone through the day. I did go out and get a huge bowl of hot ramen soup from the Tin Drum for lunch. Was exhausted when I got home. Killed a bit of time in front of the television watching The Tournament, your standard every seven years all the best assassins get together and have a dual to the death to see who is best. Not something I would have trouble following the plot of even with the worst of head colds. Fell asleep on the couch before eight, woke up long enough to drag myself to bed and the warmth of a down comforter.

Day 24 2010

It was a rainy drizzly Sunday. After meeting with friends for coffee, I did my grocery shopping at Trader Joe's and picked up a couple of things from Kroger. I watched part of Moon which was better than I thought it would be. I am usually wary of movies with very small casts. In the afternoon I went with V to a pet memorial service put on by Paws Whiskers and Wags for their clients. V's dog Daisy died very suddenly and unexpectedly a few months ago. I wasn't my first choice about how to spend a  lazy Sunday afternoon, but I am glad I went.

On the way back from the memorial it came a gullywasher, I almost could not see well enough to drive, but I did make it home okay. About that time I realized I had a cold coming on. The back of my throat was started to get all scratchy and my nose was starting to run. I don't have time to be sick. I really don't. The rest of the day was spent finishing up laundry, making chili, and curling up on the couch watching football. I really kind of failed on the watching football part. Between games, I finished watching Moon which I give a thumbs up rating, not the greatest movie, but interesting.) The late game, which I had intended to focus on, ended up putting me to sleep. The scores kept changing without any plays being run. Or one team would be driving and suddenly the other team would have the ball for some inexplicable reason. Finally I just gave up and took my sick self to bed where I slept like a rock. Evidently I was exhausted.

Day 23 2010

I had breakfast with friends at the Corner Bakery, then drove to Lawrenceville for Dean's funeral. It was moving and interesting in the sense that I had never seen a memorial service with a masonic element. Dean was a great guy and very generous with his time and energy. He helped me move my wife out of our apartment and he helped me move me into my new house. He was profoundly generous with his time and I cannot begin to say how much that meant to me. I had a hard time asking for help or even believing that people would help.

I spent the afternoon talking to a friend. Later I spent a quiet evening by myself, heated up a Trader Joe's Turkey Pot Pie, and watched Big Fan, a very interesting movie.

Day 22 2010

Friday. I took pubic transit to work which made 3 times this week. That translates to saving over 120 miles of driving which saved $14 in fuel alone. The total cost of those rides $12. So for the week I am up a couple of bucks of actually cash in my wallet before you even start on wear and tear on the car. I drive a 4 cylinder 95 Honda Accord given to me by my parents. I live in perpetual fear that it is going to need major repairs, especially since I have been learning to take better care of it as I go along. I can be such an idiot sometimes.

I took my lunch early and walked about a mile down the road to get my Starbucks on before returning to start teaching a class at noon. It was a nice day for a walk, although I didn't have time to sit and enjoy my latte and it was consumed long before I made it back to work. I should probably be grateful that Starbucks is a slightly inconvenient walk away from the office. At any given point in time, it's good for my waistline or it's good for my budget.

My friend Dean's memorial service is tomorrow and it was one of those days where people kept mentioning his name, I kept thinking of questions I would have asked him, my weekly Friday meeting with him popping up its reminder on my calendar. Not quite ready to delete it, but is it seems like bad juju to to have an outstanding weekly appointment with a dead guy. No good could come from keeping it.

Day 21 2010

Well, I got up and fixed myself and that's a start, for the record, eggs and toast. Took mass transit to work and did not get rained on. Work was okay, fairly productive in the morning, got some McDonald's for lunch, got to teach a class in the afternoon, and made it home without getting rained on.Not the most productive of evenings.  Didn't do so great with eating a reasonable dinner. Watched some of the movie Trucker on DVD, switched over to the networks to watch Bones...I am pretty sure I drifted off a couple times during the show, and went to bed soon after.

Day 20 2010

I awoke to the news that a good friend is a dad again as of 12:02a. Happy Birthday Brendan Martin Williams!

I woke up early and drove in today, so I actually had time have a cup of coffee and think for a few minutes this morning. Time is such a sweet luxury. Seems like I have not had any in 2010. So much on my to do lists, I try to look at that as a good thing, it means that I am alive and living.

I made myself breakfast this morning, a avocado chicken breast wrap, took the car into work, remembered to take a lunch break... even if it was quite late and I fed myself the highly nutritionally suspect McDonald's McDouble 390 cal (19 fat /33 carb / 22 protein) and a tasty if also nutritionally suspect Starbuck's Triple Vanilla Non-Fat Extra Hot Latte 200 cal (0 f/7 c/ 12 p). For dinner I had another wrap and a can of Trader Joe's Chili 460 cal (6 f /66 c /36 p).

I had a such a late lunch because I was teaching a class from noon till three on new products. I cannot believe how much I love to teach. It's funny how I get better and better and doing the classes the more times I repeat it. Sometimes I think I am going to be board to tears, but somehow its a lot more interesting teaching the class than it is sitting in it.

The air was off at work so I tried to come home to get some stuff done, but it just didn't happen. I watched an episode of Castle, and an episode of 24 (and I am still 2 episodes behind). It's just a little after nine and my eyes are feeling heavy.

Dean's funeral is Saturday morning. The weather was awesome today, but I took the car for the second time this week, which means I need to take the bus for the next couple of days. The forecast of course is for rain.

Day 19 2010

I got to work this morning and found out that a friend and close coworker had committed suicide the night before. It was like being splashed in the face with a bucket of ice water. I knew he was facing some challenges, but I had no idea that he had become so troubled that he would even consider something like this.

Dean was a good guy. He helped me become better at my job, he helped me move my wife out, he helped me move, and he would always lend an ear when I was stressing out about something.

Robert B Parker died yesterday as well. He was actually one of two authors that my ex-wife introduced me to when we first met and we had a shared a love of. (The other author being John D. McDonald). Parker wrote the Spencer series and other works, including some first rate westerns. Parker's death seems like another turning of the page as my life moves on to another chapter. There have been so many of these moments since the day I realized that I wanted to end my marriage it's seems silly, but I guess a marriage that write over 19 years isn't something that you close the chapter on in just a couple of pages or even a couple of chapters. People say it takes time, I hate it when people are right.

Day 18 2010

It was a long day at work. Didn't take transit because it was running a weekend schedule because of the MLK holiday. Got there at 6:30AM but didn't leave until 5PM. Traffic wasn't bad on the way home. When I got home, I tried to relax and take care of myself. I took time to actually cook myself some dinner, scrambled eggs and pancakes, and caught up on a few television shows that I have missed lately: Private Practice, Castle, and an episode of 24. I felt a bit better until I let myself get all wound up again and made the mistake of checking my work email.

I need to make an effort to get some positive healthy routines going. I've had a perfect storm of stressors lately and it's been getting to me.

Day 17 2010

Finally it is Sunday. Had coffee and breakfast with friends, but was feeling out of sorts and disconnected. I went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's, but had not made a menu plan for the week before going. So I don't know how well spent my grocery money was. I guess the rest of the week will tell the tale. I spent most of the day trying to get some work done to give me a head start on Monday and to catch up on some chores around the house. Honestly I felt a little cheated out of my weekend, like I didn't really have a chance to decompress and recharge my batteries. I felt like I was coming down with a cold so I was drinking Emergen-C every chance I got and popped down to the store for Alka-Seltzer Cold. It was a bit of a frustrating day. I watched bits and pieces of the playoff football games. I even tried taking a nap at one point, which might have helped a bit. I did make one good decision yesterday, I didn't stay up and watch the season premier of 24. I went to bed early instead. Based on how I am feeling this morning, that was a really good decision.

Day 16 2010

What is it about early mornings and coffee that is such a time devourer? I sat down to have my coffee, glance at the interwebs, and to try to come up with something add to the conversation. And then suddenly it's time to finish that cup of coffee, hit the shower, and launch myself into the day.

View To Greenville in a larger map
I drove my guest back to North Carolina today, two and a half hours each way. We left close to 3PM and I got home about 8:45. The drive up wasn't too bad, but the drive back in the dark and rain was a pain. I should have insisted on an earlier time. The pain was somewhat eliminated by stopping at the Commerce Starbucks both on the way there and on the way back. Of course the downside of running on Latte Power was feeling a little jittery and out of sorts after the drive was over, I was safe at home, and trying to wind down watching the Colts dissect the Ravens 20-3.

Day 15 2010

It's Friday which seemed to take its sweet time getting here this week. Work has been extra challenging this week and a couple of days away from it will spell sweet relief.

I didn't take the bus as I had planned on Thursday, I had to wear a sport coat to work and that was not compatible with the 21 degree temperature. But I made up for it on Friday.

It occurs to me it costs $4 to take MARTA to work. My commute is 40 miles round-trip. Using AAA's average cost per mile of 54 cents to drive a car, plus a dollar in tolls, the cost of driving is $22.60. So each time I take public transit I am saving $18.60.

So this hip single-speed bike I think would be really cool to commute on... if I put $18.60 in an envelope every time I take the bus... I could pay for that $800 bike by April 30th with zero impact to my budget. I need to look to see if my actual costs of owning a paid off 95 Honda Accord are anywhere near that AAA figure, but still it is an intriguing thought.

Before bed I watched an episode of Serenity as I work my way through the DVDs. It's funny how I have very little recollection of most of the episodes even though I really loved the series.

Day 14 2010

The sheer number of things that I need to be saving for is depressing, and I have a couple of debts that I am working on eliminating.

Debt:

• Eye Surgery ($500)
• Student Loans ($1,487)
• Mortgage

Things I need to be saving for:

• Home repairs: Furnace, AC, & roof
• Auto: Maintenance, unexpected repairs, and the next car
• Replace computer
• New Bike
• Rainy Day/Sunny Day Fund

Day 13 2010

I was nice to be able to drive into work for a change, but in a way I missed taking the bus. I have enjoyed  putting on the headphones and listening to Stephen King for a couple of hours to distract me from the real world. I have enjoyed watching all the different types of people you get to see when you ride transit through the city. I often wonder what their stories are, where they are going, what they are thinking, and what their lives are like. I could swear that this morning a pretty girl even flashed me a small from the other platform across the tracks. Riding public transit and walking definitely gives me a completely different feel for my environment. It makes me feel more connected with reality. Sealing myself alone into a metal box for hours at a time is a little too much like going off into my own head, it's easy to get lost in there. I think I will be taking public transport tomorrow just because.

Day 12 2010

Was it only Tuesday? It hardly seems like it. Once again Monday was so long and stressful that Tuesday seemed more like Thursday.

It was a strange day. Somehow in the course of normal conversation I told my friends and officemates the story of the most shameful thing I'd ever done and one of them the true story of how I lost a particular job. I've only told a handful of people that stuff and it's not stuff I normally talk about. It's remarkable to have people at my job whom I trust and respect enough to feel comfortable being real with.

Yesterday seemed a slightly better day at work, although I still have more to do than hours in the day.

The good news about yesterday is that I got my car back from the repair shop! It turns out there was an after-market security system installed on the car that I didn't even know was there. My folks had never mentioned it to me. I don't know if they were even aware of it. The idea was that with this security system wired into the ignition system, you had to have this extra little dongle to start the car. So far as I know that dongle has been sitting plugged in just below the dash since 1995. Evidently last week in the bitter cold the electronics in the security system I didn't know existed gave up the ghost and even with the dongle would not allow the car to start. I could have read the entire Internet researching cars not starting and I don't know if I would have stumbled on that diagnosis. So the fix for the car was removing the security system that had never been used and restoring the car back to factor configuration, which cost me all of $140 including tow.

After picking up my car, I took my guest to the grocery store, came home, watched a new episode of NCIS and went to bed soon after. It looks like I will be able to return my guest this Saturday and it will be back to just me and the cat.

Day 11 2010 (or 011110)

It was the the only binary palindrome date of the year. I left the house at 6 am and caught a bus, hit pretty much all the connections when I needed to, and it still took about an hour and twenty minutes to get to work. The temperatures in Atlanta are still remarkably cold. It might have actually gotten about freezing yesterday and taking a moment to glance at the forecast reveals it looks like we are going to return to normal temperatures for this time of year which will mean a lot of 40's and 50'.

I had the car towed to Summit Auto Service yesterday morning in hopes of having them look at it yesterday. So yesterday afternoon when it is getting close enough to the end of the day that I can think of it without throwing myself though the office window in despair at how far away it is, I get a phone call. It seems that Summit has misplaced my key and they are sure it will turn up, but they would be able to look at my car sooner if I happened to have a second key I could bring by the office, and yes they realize that I am currently sitting near Perimeter Mall, live in East Atlanta, they are in Dekalb near the Avondale Station, and I only have one car which happens to be sitting on their lot.

So instead of heading directly home I took Marta to the Avondale station which is four stops past my normal destination, the Inman Park station. I walked about a half mile down the street to Summit, dropped my keys in the night box, and then walked back to the Marta station, then took the train back to Avondale. It didn't feel that far out of the way, but it was a huge time suck. I think I left work at 5:00pm and didn't get home until after 7:30pm. On the way home I updated my Twitter status with "Sometimes you have to laugh and figure out how to make lemonade". It was genuinely funny and I am sure the universe had a purpose in that extra long commute. And I guess if the universe didn't have a purpose it's up to me to find one. If nothing else I got some amusement and some exercise out of it. And it's cool to go new places. And it was a pretty nice night for a walk. And I did get some quiet time to myself. And I did get to listen to a good Stephen King book.

It's funny how life and books sometimes intertwine. Under the Dome is about a small town that becomes completely isolated from the outside world by a forcefield like bubble and the effect that has on the town. There are some similarities to suddenly not having a car and suddenly having a bubble descending around you limiting where you can go. Suddenly I found myself nodding at one of the character's thoughts about the dome and realized I was nodding about my thoughts on not currently having a car. Again the universe seems to be messing with me, keeping my house guest here and keeping me around the house more while my house guest is here. Believe me, this isn't how I envisioned it.

They have been the perfect house guest and I suspect they are not really happy at being stuck here either.

At home I cooked up some burgers and watched an episode of Serenity. Before the episode was over I could feel my eyelids getting heavy. I think I might have set a record for how fast and hard I fell asleep when I went to bed just after.

Day 10 2010

I woke up and got a great deal of work done. But then things sort of turned sour in the afternoon, wasn't feeling good at all. I watched parts of a couple of football games, hard to focus. Not feeling very enthusiastic about the work week coming up. It's frustrating not having a car.

Day 9 2010

Vick picked me up for coffee and later we met up with some other friends for breakfast. After breakfast Ed took me home where we attempted to jump-start my poor Honda. No luck. He was nice enough to run me by the grocery store to restock my increasingly barren larder. I made some phone calls, got a long walk in, but couldn't get any work done, my head just was not in it. Finally I fixed myself some leftover chili and chilled out watching the Jets/Bengals game. Hopefully I managed to recharge my batteries a bit and can get some stuff done on Sunday.

Day 8 2010

The Honda still will not start, I have not figured out where and how to get it fixed. But it was a good day to take the train into work. (Although this is a picture of the journey home. The predawn journey into work didn't really lend itself to photography.) The roads where not exactly impassible, but there were definitely some icy spots and Atlanta drivers are not known for their safe and cautious winter driving. They are more likely to dart around as fast as ever and act surprised when they find themselves skidding across ice towards a collision. I actually watched this phenomenon occur outside my office window. The side street was perfectly passable if you were slow and cautious, but would bite you if you were carrying any speed.

It was a long and stressful day at the call center. The snow, ice, and school closings resulted in a high number of call outs and I had to spend most of my time on the floor which is going to leave me with more work this weekend than I would like.

With the car temporarily disabled, I have been thinking again of a commuter bike, both the Surly Steamroller and the Raleigh One Way are starting to look very interesting.

Day 7 2010

I took a few minutes off to drink some coffee and watch Jennifer's Body this morning, I thought it a well done example of the genre, a teenage horror movie with a little bit of wit and class, but with all the "classical" elements, girls, boys, breasts, sex, teenage angst, mental institutions, spring formal, rock and roll band, demonic possession, and of course some girl on girl action. But it's not a parody of the genre, it's a rare example of the genre done really well.

Right after writing the above paragraph, I went outside and got in my car ready to start it up and head off to an early day at the office. I turned the key, the dashboard lights came on, there was a click, and... nothing. The starter didn't engage or even try to turn the motor over. I ran through the entire Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance cycle in about four minutes, went into the house, got a couple of things together, got myself in gear, walked about 200 feet down the street and around the corner, and caught a Marta bus. Score one for ITP (inside the perimeter) living!

The commute by bus was not a bad thing. I was already dressed appropriately, my iPod was charged and loaded with the latest Stephen King, and I was head to work early. There was also the most incredible sunrise. The weather was changing and the sky was absolutely soul-stirring. I am not sure I would have noticed it if I had not been standing at a Marta station. I would have been sitting in my office staring my computer screen. Car breaking down, probably around $500. Getting to see a really awesome sunrise and really noticing it, pretty much priceless.

The funny thing is the commute was longer than driving directly in, but shorter than my typical drive home. I think it might have averaged itself out. I think I will make a point of taking transit at least a few times a week once my car is running again, more if I can get in shape and buy the single speed bike I want to use as a commuter.

Before going to bed, I watched 9 on DVD and really enjoyed it. (The animated post-apocalypse film, not the Italian musical.)

Day 6 2010

I woke up this morning having a work related nightmare, dreaming of plots, conspiracies, and general bad juju. I hate waking up directly from a nightmare because I sometimes have a hard time shaking it off, particularly if it plays directly into something that is going on in real life. I am sitting here, sipping my coffee, trying to remember that it is now, i am here, and i have coffee. I am trying to avoid slipping into a mode where I am either obsessively worrying about the past or the future and get focused on what I can get done today. Not what I need to get done, not what I have to get done, but what I can get done.

Wow, what a day. Left the house about 6 AM, it's 6 PM and I have just decided that my brain is so fried that I need to take a break. Come to think of it I didn't take a lunch or a break today. Stacy, Dave's wife, sent me chili for lunch... which I ate while busily working, so I did get something to eat at least.

Picked up some fast food one the way home. Diet FAIL. Watched about half an hour of Jennifer's Body. Talked to mom on the phone for a bit. Bed.

Day 5 2010

Wow, looking for something good to say about the day. I got to work at 6:30 AM, left work 6:30 PM and then only because my brain was totally fried. I came home, ate a chicken pot pie, watched NCIS, and went to sleep.

Changes at work have me stressed out.

Day 4 2010

The first work day of 2010 and it started off with a bang. Major changes with a significant workload increase and refocus headed my way. It’s funny, there have been times when the prospect of change has just tipped the anxiety meter over on its edge. This time around I can tell the anxiety is there, but there is also some excitement. It’s a very weird feeling, but a good feeling.

In the middle of this really crazy day, I almost missed an important appointment taking the ex to a doctors appointment on my lunch hour, but didn’t. A little voice told me not to take an extra five minutes to get the Starbucks I was craving which would have made me miss an important meeting. I am not the best in the world at listing to that little voice, especially when it comes to something like a Starbucks that I am craving, but I did this time… just one of those little miracles I guess.

I found a Secret Santa package on my front stoop from Seattle, inside a Starbucks mug and coffee, so the universe saw to it that I got my Starbucks yesterday after all, just in a different time and place from what I had originally thought I wanted.

Later on I made another good decision that had a lot of parallels to the Starbucks choice earlier, but was considerably more intense. It will be interesting if life leaves something like that on my doorstep.

Day 3 2010

Woke up, met friends, had coffee at Pot’n Pan. Went by Trader Joe’s on the way back to the house to get some groceries. Cooked pancakes and scrambled eggs for breakfast. In the afternoon I went to see Up in the Air with mom. It was a really good film, genuinely funny in places, genuinely dark in others. One of the film’s themes was the protagonist’s failure to connect with anyone which struck a little close to home. Over the past couple of years I have struggle to include more people in my life and to forge more connections with people.

After the movie I came home and fixed a spinach chicken salad for dinner. My house guest and I watched an episode of Serenity and I hit the sat early. I was feeling a little melancholy, I don’t know if was the movie, the houseguest, the end of the holidays and going back to work, or some combination thereof.

Day 2 2010

I had breakfast with friends at the Corner Bakery next to Maggiano's. Came home and puttered about the house for a bit, putting the finishing touches on the guest bedroom. About 11:30 AM I drove to Greenville, about halfway between Atlanta and Charlotte to meet my ex-wife and give her a ride to Atlanta. She's not driving yet, she is in the process of getting her driver's license straightened out and getting a car. Meanwhile, her pain specialist is in Atlanta. It gave me a chance to find the one Starbucks just off I85 between Atlanta and Charlotte that I had not been to yet. We at lunch at 5 Guys Burgers and had a good conversation on the way back to Atlanta. I think we got back to my house about 6:00 PM. We talked for a bit. I got some good advice from a Plurk friend and called another friend to get a sanity check. We talked for a bit longer and watched an episode of Serenity on DVD. I think I might have ended up acting like an adult in communicating my feelings and my boundaries in plain English.

I am an ex-husband who cares about the person he used to be married to for twenty years and would like to figure out how to be a friend to his ex-wife and support her in what she tries to do as a completely independent person. I don't want to be her best friend, I want to be a friend among her friends. I am not going to try to  fix, not going to try to rescue, I'll just be someone she can call if she needs to talk.

Day 1 2010

It was nice to wake up on the first day of the new year to a house that was a little cleaner and a little cozier than it started the week. Household things that I have gotten done the past few days: drained the outside water faucets, crawled across crawlspace to repair vent in foundation that had fallen off, sealed off hole in foundation for air conditioner power line, hung a set of blinds in the office, hung a set of shades in the bathroom, hung a mirror in the hallway, put some really cool Ikea nightlights in the hallway and living room, started scraping the peeling paint off the hallway ceiling, made up the bed in the guest bedroom, moved some of the-stuff-with-no-place to the attic, vacuumed, cleaned up the kitchen and organized things a little bit better, found the duvet cover, put the down comforter on the bed, washed all the dirty laundry, folded it, and put laundry away.

Lately I’ve watched a couple of episodes of the Serenity television series which I picked up for a song at Best Buy. Via Netflix I have seen: Episodes of Califonication Season 2; The Poker House (on a recommendation by Moncia Puller) which I thought a well crafted film; Blindness, a better than average entry in the Lord of the Flies category; Good Dick, which evidently is completely forgettable because I have forgotten it already; Transformers RotF, which was terrible; and The Proposal, a solid entry into the chick-flick category which I really enjoyed.

I had breakfast with friends at The Original Pancake House and then Vickie and I went saw an early showing of Avatar. I really like the movie, but I found it derivative of other works, especially Dances with Wolves, Star Wars, and LOTR. Or have I just consumed so much media that I find everything derivative. The movie did keep a sense of humor about itself without going over the top and did have some topnotch actors on-board. It was the first movie that freaked me out with how real an artificial environment could be made to appear on screen. It’s possible the 3D had a lot to do with that.

After the movie I came home and puttered around the house for quite awhile. I vacuumed again, tidied up the kitchen and washed the glass in the kitchen door making the kitchen itself look a thousand times better. I didn't use my time very well, I was a little distracted by something.

Finally had some dinner and settled in to watch Breaking and Entering.